


The Amorous Adventures of Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens the Ghost

by catsincafes, Sniperdoodle



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bad Sex, M/M, like this is a joke please don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 16:52:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6017260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsincafes/pseuds/catsincafes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/Sniperdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Hamilton comes across the ghost of a mysterious old friend on his trip to the Amazonian rainforest, sparks ignite leading to a forbidden romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Amorous Adventures of Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens the Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so Sara (Sniperdoodle) and I wrote this tonight after I suggested writing shitty smut, this is not to be taken seriously at all and is a complete joke. If you're looking for a good lams oneshot to read I can direct you to my holiday party au  
> [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5355458) , also theres a bunch of super good lams fics out there by some super awesome talented writers, but anyway without further ado, here's this trash.

Alexander Hamilton was trekking through the Amazonian Rainforest on a normal Tuesday in 1803 when he found this really nice waterfall, like, this was the shit. Hamilton admired the waterfall and said “Shit, that’s a fucking great waterfall, if I do say so myself, if I do say so myself.”

As Hamilton looked up that waterfall, he mysteriously popped a boner, as if there was a boner ghost. His boner pointed up towards the cliff above the waterfall. Hamilton looked at his mysterious boner and said, “You know, I think I should go up there.” 

As Alex climbed up the steep cliffs tirelessly, his boner throbbed. Hamilton was like, “What the fuck is going on with my boner it’s like it’s detecting a ghost.”

Hamilton gets up to the top of the cliff and there he sees, The figure of a man he once knew, a man with luscious brown hair and a pretty nice face: John Laurens.

“What the fuck, you’re dead,” Hamilton says confusedly, and a bit shocked, and a bit aroused (as he a did have a boner), but mainly confused and shock.

“I am still dead you fuckhead, I lured you up here with my ghostly power. Ghostly boner powers. As everyone knows, dicks are basically ghost magnets when they’re aroused,” Laurens explains.

“I didn’t know that,” Hamilton says.

“Well you’re a fucking idiot,” Laurens continues. 

“Okay well, what comes next?” Alex asks “Like do we have weird kinky ghost sex or something? or like can I leave?”

“No I summoned you to have weird kinky ghost sex, so let’s fuckin do it,” Laurens replies. suddenly, all his clothes are gone.  _ Ghost magic. _

“Okay tbh I’m totally up for this, you were never into kinky shit when you were alive so let's fucking get down and boogie,” Hamilton takes the initiative and strips. Laurens comes over and throws them off the edge into the pool of water below. “What the fuck was that for?

“I’m a ghost I have no hesitations anymore now that I’m a ghost,” Laurens explains. “That’s why I want to have wild and kinky ghost sex.”

“I already have no hesitations, I mean, I wrote the fucking Reynolds Pamphlet and published it,” Hamilton replies.

“I know that was so fucking stupid you idiot,” Laurens says. “I was face-palming in my grave. Now, are we gonna get down and do the horizontal tango or talk about how badly you’ve fucked up your life.”

“I didn’t fuck up that badly,” Hamilton says.

“You done fucked up Alex,” John says straight face. “I mean you’re in the middle of the Amazon Rainforest. Like, how did you even get here?”

“How did your ghost get here?” Hamilton asks.

“I can go anywhere I want, I’m dead,” Laurens explains. “Plus I can like teleport and shit, watch this” Laurens suddenly disappears and then reappears behind Alexander “what up dog?” 

“How’d you get those sunglasses?’ Alex asks, confused upon turning around and seeing the shiny blue reflective shades lying atop Laurens’ nose. 

“Pool party in Florida” John replies 

“Whatt the fuck is a Florida?”

“Oh Hamilton, you young, innocent cantaloupe,” Laurens says stroking Alex’s face.

“What’s a cantaloupe?” Hamilton asks. 

“Nevermind that,” Laurens replies “Let's get down to business. Turn around so I can stick my ghost dick in your asshole.” 

Alexander was speechless, John Laurens always had a way with words, even now as a weird kinky ghost, who talked about things Alex didn’t understand, like Floridas and cantaloupes. Laurens grabbed Alex’s waist and lays him onto the ground before climbing on top of him, well actually it was more like floating on top of him since he's a ghost. 

Laurens brings his ghost hands down to Alex’s waist and begins to stroke his dick with his light ghostly hands. It was like being touched by nothing but still getting jacked off. Laurens stuck his ghost hot dog into Hamilton’s bun if you get what I’m saying. 

“Holy motherufkcing Jesus titties fucking Christ on a breadstick,” Hamilton says as his hole tightens around Lauren’s beefy stick. 

“Yeah you sound nice . . . thought I don’t know what the hell you said that,” Laurens continues. He begins to push his bread loaf in and out of Hamilton’s asshole. “Aw Hamilton, your ass is so nice, like two cantaloupes.”

“I still don’t know what those are” Hamilton says with a groan.

“Just go with it,” Laurens replies. 

They continue their tango of pure passion until they fall off of the cliff into the pool below. 

“Fuck!” Hamilton says as he comes up for air out of the water. He finds Laurens floating above him.

“I’m a ghost. I don’t have to get wet,” Laurens says.

“God fucking damnit, my wig is all wet I hate this” Alex says as he angrily throws his wig of his head into the pool of water and then picks it up just to squeeze the water out and place it back onto his head.

“Wigs are stupid just get out of the pool so we can continue fucking,” Laurens says as he flings the wig off of Alexander’s head.

Hamilton grumbles and leaves the pool and meets Laurens back on the ground outside the pool. They get back on the ground and Laurens stick his ghost boner back into Hamilton’s ass. Their dance recommences, and while after that.

“Fuck, Alex you’re so fucking tight” Laurens moans.

“You’re pretty cool yourself man”

“This is just like back in our revolutionary war days” Laurens reminisces as he continued to thrust his steamin’ semen donger into Alex “back when we would have sex in the mud because we don’t have floors in tents and Washington was all like “ _ Alex why are you fucking the aide de camps?”  _ and you would be all like “ _ because i fucking want to dad _ ”.”

“He’s dead now,” Alex groans and Laurens continues to dig his ghost schlong into Alex’s sticky buns (well, they’ll be sticky when Laurens ghost cums into it) and rubs his hard-ass nipples.

“I know, we talk about you sometimes. He mainly sighs now as he sees you make all these bad decisions,” Laurens continues.

“Can we stop talking about Washington during sex? He’s a boner killer,” Alex replies. Alex suddenly came as Laurens’ ghostly semen fills his freshly made sticky buns. 

“Are you sure? Because you came as he were talking about Washington,” Laurens replies.

“Goddamn this always happens,” Hamilton sighs.

Laurens pulls his wand out of Hamilton’s ass and they lay there on the ground. In the Amazon Rainforest. In 1803. 

“Well,” Hamilton sighs. “It’s been fun having your dick in my ass again, no matter how ghostly it is, but I’ve got to get back. Aaron burr sir’s been pissed at me for a couple years because apparently I lost him the presidency and he wants to have a duel with me, but I went on a vacation first, in the Amazon Rainforest, that’s why I’m here, but I’ve got to get back and have this stupid duel.” 

“Alright my main man,” Laurens says as he sits up. “Your clothes are in the bottom of the pool.”

“Godammit,” Hamilton swears. He gets up, dives into the pool and comes back up with a pile of wet clothes. “First my wig and now all my clothes.”

“No hesitation,” Laurens repeats. 

Hamilton puts back on all his soggy clothes, “ Well, I gotta go back to camp so I can get back home.”

Laurens’ ghost sits crossed legged and naked on the rainforest floor“I’ll see you next time you’re in some weird exotic place.” And then adding, in a whisper, “Or if you’re dead. Burr’s gonna kill you.”

“what?” Hamilton turns around.

“Nothin,” Laurens lies.

“Farewell, my sexy, ghostly friend,” Hamilton says as he begins his trek back into the amazon Rainforests to get back to camp. 

“See you on the other side, Alexander” Laurens whispers.

“What?” Hamilton asks loudly since he’s far away.

“I said bye you sexy thanggg!” Laurens yells with a wink 

“Right back at you, loverboy!” Hamilton yells back and he disappears into the thick rainforest undergrowth.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm really sorry.


End file.
